


A Very Merry DoSAC Christmas

by mrsreeder



Category: The Thick of It (TV)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Party, Christmas Presents, Gen, it was so much fun to think of all the stupid jokes haha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:33:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28088550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrsreeder/pseuds/mrsreeder
Summary: It's December 24 and the staff of DoSAC gathers along with some special guests to celebrate an office Christmas party. Hilarity ensues when seasonal headwear, a fucking stupid present exchange, a huge bowl of punch and other Christmas stereotypes come into play.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just ten days until it's Christmas, so it's time for a first small present, huh? I hope I'll actually manage to finish the rest in time, but since I'm already done with the first part I might as well post it.
> 
> I don't know nearly enough about possible work at a government department, so the stuff in the beginning is probably quite the asspull. Whatever, I just needed an excuse for the last minute Christmas party, lol. Other than that, I went quite haywire with the stupid jokes, especially in the upcoming chapters. Well, but it's a party with lots of alcohol included, so what do you expect? ;) (It's not like I know what I'm writing about, I don't even drink myself. But, you know, artistic licence and stuff :D)

"So, with that last batch sorted out...I guess we really are done, aren't we? We did it, guys!"  
Nicola leaned back in her office chair with a relieved sigh. It was the 24th of December and the first Christmas miracle had already happened today. A few days ago, there had been yet another big fuck-up at DoSAC and now they had to deal with another issue about immigration data - this time someone noticed that some older data had been deleted just when they needed it. Luckily there were printed out copies of the files found in the archive, but as the actual data was lost everything had to be put into the computers yet again. And it had to be done before everyone was going on Christmas break....so that meant everyone had to help or else it would be impossible. Not only the civil servants, but also Glenn, Ollie and occasionally even Nicola had spent hours and hours in front of the computers. And now...they were done. Just in time. Really, that was a miracle.  
Nicola motioned to Glenn, who had joined her together with Ollie in her office. "Would you please tell Terri that the party can start now? She was complaining the whole day about this being a fucking planning disaster and she was really annoying about it, so I would actually love to keep her in the dark a while longer, but...it's almost Christmas, so I shouldn't be this petty!"  
Ollie laughed. "Holy shit, being considerate with Terri, now that's what I call seasonal cheesiness! What's next, is Santa gonna come?"  
"Don't mock the spirit of Christmas, young man, or else you won't get any gifts!" Glenn said to him in a mocking tone when he left Nicola's office. Ollie totally ignored him and clasped his hands behind his head while leaning back. "Phew, I'm glad we're done! That was quite the job. It's sure not what I'm normally used to."  
"Well, Ollie, that's what the civil servants have to put up with every day, so you might just value them and their important work a bit more from now on!"  
"Probably not...their work might be boring, but they have regular working hours and don't have to do important advising work at ungodly hours, like me."  
"Oh really, you're such a prick... Okay, since we're done here we might as well go over to the meeting room, where the party will take place."  
They left the office and made their way to the meeting room in another part of the same floor. Glenn joined them halfway.  
"I told Terri, and she was overjoyed."  
Nicola looked surprised. "Really?"  
"No, obviously not! If things went her way, we would have cancelled the entire party because she has 'fucking better things to do at home'."  
"Well, we had to move the party to the 24th because we were just too busy before. And we also had to change the location to the office. Well, going to a restaurant would have been nicer..." Nicola had to admit.  
Glenn nodded. "It would, and it also would have been less planning work that way. But anyway, Terri wasn't overworking herself in the last few days, that's for sure. So she actually shouldn't complain too much about this little extra task, if you ask me. So, to change the subject, are you two looking forward to the party? Ollie, what about you?"  
"I can hardly contain myself, because we all know fucking office Christmas parties are so much fun! Well, but I actually can't stay too long, I need to catch a train later. My mum wanted me to come home to Lincolnshire this year, and I couldn't really say no after staying in London every Christmas the last few years..."  
"Ooh, so you're gonna get to eat mummy's homemade food over the holidays? Lucky boy! Do you hang a stocking on the mantelpiece and she puts your gifts into it?"  
Ollie sighed, quite annoyed. "No, she obviously doesn't do that..."  
"Oh yeah, right, I'm sorry. You are still at an age where you believe in Santa. Sorry, didn't want to ruin Christmas for you. I meant, does Santa still bring you gifts?"  
"Just fuck off..."  
Nicola chimed in. "Don't tease him, Glenn - he won't get gifts anyway because he's been really naughty. Just listen to his language!"  
"At least I'm not fucking old enough to have been schoolmates with Santa Claus, you know. What was he like as a child, Glenn? Did he already know what he would do for a living?"  
While they were bickering, they had reached the meeting room. Someone had hung up Christmas garlands and there was even a small decorated tree on a desk in the corner of the room. And there was also a pretty huge buffet with lots of platters filled with food and a huge bowl of Christmas punch, in addition to other mostly alcoholic drinks.  
"Oh, now that's actually nice! Who put up the decorations?" asked Nicola.  
Terri, who was already busying herself around the room just shrugged. "I put Robyn to the task. She's not of much use for anything else but odd jobs anyway, but don't tell her I said that. And I sure didn't have the time to go around the shops and buy decorations."  
"I helped her with the garlands, actually. It's hard to be tall...and I had to spend a part of my lunch break on this." Ollie said with an exaggerated sigh.  
"Still trying to get on Santa's list of good kids, huh? That might be a bit late though."  
"Oh, just lay off the fucking Santa comments already..."  
Ollie turned his back to Glenn and inspected the buffet closer. "Holy fuck, you definitely ordered too much food, Terri! Who is supposed to eat all that - the very hungry caterpillar, maybe?"  
"Not everyone is such an apparently picky eater like you. And, you should eat more too, maybe then you'll turn into a butterfly one day...Ollie-pillar!"  
"Whoa, now that was downright evil, Terri! I'm just gonna weave myself a cocoon and hide in it now because I'm so hurt!"  
Glenn had snuck up to Ollie from behind and placed an antler headband on top of his hair. "He's not gonna turn into a butterfly, but into a reindeer instead!"  
"Fuck off, Glenn!" Ollie tried to remove the antlers, but Glenn kept interfering with his attempts. "Fine, have it your way! There are more of these things after all!" Instead of continuing to struggle he grabbed a Santa hat from the table next to them and placed it on Glenn's head. "Now we're even. Bloody hell, I can't believe how stupid you look! Hey Terri, do we have a Santa beard too?"  
"I sure don't hope so! This makes me look idiotic enough."  
"It's not like you're usually looking that smart. Well, and you will have to make sacrifices too if you want me to wear the fucking antlers."  
Their squabbling got interrupted when Robyn entered the room in a hurry. "Oh, Ollie, good that you're here - please hang this up on that lamp there, would you?" With these words she handed him a mistletoe.  
"A mistletoe? Really, Robyn?"  
"Yes, it's not a proper english Christmas without one, don't you think so too? Just put it up, please."  
Ollie sighed, climbed on a chair and reached up to fix it to one of the lamps on the ceiling. Glenn looked up to him sceptically. "Don't rip that lamp off! Wait, you're doing this wrong...."  
"Thanks, but I think I can hang up a fucking mistletoe just fine!" And really, after some fiddling he managed to tie it to the lamp and got down from the chair. "Why are you standing around here, staring holes into space, Glenn? Do you want a smooch beneath the mistletoe, or what?"  
"No! Well, actually yes, but not from you! I was just concerned for your safety, you know. You could have ripped that lamp off, or fallen from the chair..."  
"Aw, thanks for your concern! However, I felt totally safe up there because I know you were looking out for me down here, ready to catch me in your strong arms if I would have fallen down!"  
"I'll never make the mistake of worrying about you again, you twat!"  
Ollie laughed. "Sorry, Glenn. That was awfully cute of you, I shouldn't make fun of that! You know, the spirit of Christmas and all that." He left the room and Glenn looked after him with a sigh.  
"He really always needs to have the last word in everything, does he..."


	2. Chapter 2

Ten minutes later the DoSAC staff had finally assembled in the meeting room and Glenn helped Nicola and Robyn to place glasses and dishes on the table.  
Terri entered the room, followed by Ollie who was carrying a huge pile of wrapped gift packages. "Damn it Terri, why did you make me carry all this stuff? I can't even see where I'm going because that pile is so huge..."  
"Well, that's why I'm here, I'll tell you if you're about to bump into something. Or someone."  
"Many fucking thanks, but couldn't you have at least carried some of the presents too?"  
"You're really whiny, you know that? Well anyway, just place the presents on that table over there. Careful, don't drop them now, you big dolt!"  
"You mean that table there which I obviously cannot even see? Fine, alright." Terri shoved him in the right direction and he finally set the huge package pile down.  
"Ooof, my poor back! Are we finally done with the preparations now? This is turning out to be quite a lot of work, actually."  
Terri slapped his arm. "Boo hoo! Don't you know the lyrics of 'Santa Claus is coming to town' where it says 'you better not cry'?"  
"I swear, if anyone else of you is gonna mention anything Santa-related in my presence, I'm just gonna.... To change the subject, did Malcolm want to show up too?"  
"Yeah, he did. He might dress up as Santa, with Jamie as his reindeer. Oops, now I mentioned Santa again." said Glenn, looking at Ollie who just sighed and gave him an annoyed look.  
Nicola laughed. "Or even better, they would be perfect for the roles of Saint Nicholas and his companion who beats up the bad kids!"  
"This Saint Nicholas would also rather beat up good kids too...I think. Not quite saintly and quite the unsettling thought actually...." Ollie shuddered.

After that the buffet was opened and everyone had finally more or less settled down with some food and drink.  
While all of them were occupied no one noticed that the door opened slightly all of sudden. Then Malcolm stuck his head round the door and exclaimed:  
"Ho, ho, ho...I hope you were all good little children, or I will stuff you into my sack...!"  
Nicola almost dropped the mince pie she was holding. "Malcolm! Holy shit, you spooked me! What is this, the Nightmare Before Christmas?"  
"Not what I planned, but if you want to, there's sure something to be done about it! Anyway: hello, you sorry bunch of drunk wankers! I won't stay at your sad little assembly too long, but I thought my visit would be a nice present, isn't it? Oh, and I found a weird fucking Christmas elf loitering around outside and brought him with me as a special gift!" Having said that, Malcolm shoved Julius into the room, followed by Jamie. "I have to strongly object against this, Malcolm, I never said I would join your little festivities..."  
"Oh, shut the fuck up! Eat a sandwich or whatever kind of stuff there is on this giant-sized buffet! And here, put that on so you look less stupid!" Malcolm grabbed a Santa hat and tried to put it on Julius' head. "Malcolm, no! Just stop this! I say, stop this!"  
Glenn laughed. "I don't know, but that's a familiar scene...isn't it, Ollie?"  
"Yeah, haha..."  
After finally letting up on Julius, Malcolm took a look at the buffet while Jamie helped himself to a glass of punch.  
"Bah! Now that stuff is disgusting, Malc, don't even bother tasting it..."  
"Thanks for ruining your taste buds for me, I really appreciate it, mate."  
Jamie looked around and nudged Malcolm conspiratorially with an elbow. "Malc, I've got a great idea. How about we make this party more fun for all the sorry fuckers here?"  
"What's up with you Jamie, seasonal euphoria because of Christmas? Well, what's that fucking great idea of yours?"  
"That punch is disgusting anyway and I saw a bottle of whisky over there...well, not exactly good stuff, but it still might improve the quality of the punch...do you get what I mean?"  
Malcolm grinned slightly. "Very evil...I like that! Well, pour away, I don't think one of the Twats of the Round Table will notice. I'll give you some cover just in case."  
Ollie waved at him just in that moment. "What are you standing around for over there, Malcolm? Admiring the food? You know, that stuff's for eating...well, assuming you even need to eat human food!"  
"Oh, fuck off, Sir Cuntcelot the Annoying!"  
Ollie chuckled. "What? I have no idea what you just said!"  
"It's business as usual, then."

Terri grabbed Ollie's arm as he just walked past her on his way to the buffet. "Ollie, could you please go downstairs and show the other guests to the party venue?"  
"Wait, what do you mean, other guests?"  
"Well, I sent a mail to Peter Mannion's office earlier today and invited him and his staff...I sure hope he will come. I just told myself, if we need to have this party anyway I might as well have some fun too."  
Ollie looked at her in mock horror. "You did what? Invite the opposition? They're the enemy, you traitor!"  
"Well, they seemed to love the idea! And who knows, maybe they're gonna win the next elections..."  
"You really are a traitor, huh? Jumping ship already - I can't believe you! Well, I imagine Phil would love to visit because he wants to watch me embarrassing myself. It'll be rather the other way around though..."  
"It's rather because of the catering. They probably assumed we ordered lobsters and caviar and more expensive stuff since you are the government. The reality is so much sadder...."  
Julius, who had apparently warmed to the idea of a party suddenly popped up next to them. "Oh, but the cheese plate is really good though, I have to admit."  
Ollie flinched. "Well, fine, before anyone is giving me another fucking jumpscare I'll rather just go and pick them up..."  
He went down to the lobby and looked for any newcomers when Peter Mannion and Phil came in through the main entrance. Phil laughed when he spotted Ollie.  
"Oh look, it's Ollie the reindeer!"  
"Yeah, I'll just run you over with my sleigh, you know."  
"It's not like you'll be able to pull a sleigh, you...beanpole with antlers!"  
"Just...shut up, alright? That way everyone will be happy. Anyway, I'm here to show you to the venue, so please just follow me. Is it just the two of you?"  
"Yes, Emma didn't want to come. I really wonder why... We also won't stay for long, but I just had to see for myself which luxuries the government is indulging into." Peter said with an ironic smile.  
"Luxuries? Working until the last minute on the day before the holidays isn't my idea of fucking luxuries," laughed Ollie.  
By then they had entered one of the lifts and were going upwards. Phil, who had looked lost in thoughts before suddenly spoke again.  
"You know what? You remind me of Thranduil's elk from the Hobbit movies. Only that you're definitely less imposing. Still, I can imagine myself as the Elvenking, riding you into battle. That's a pretty big honour, and one which you actually don't deserve: my trusty steed Oliver!"  
"I said: shut up. Or I'll just kick you with my hooves, idiot king."  
Peter sighed. "I really don't know what's going on in your head sometimes, Phil..."  
"Even in danger of agreeing with the opposition here: me neither..." Ollie responded as they left the lift.

Terri was already waiting for them when they arrived at the party.  
"Thank you so much for accepting the invitation, Mr Mannion....Peter! Please make yourself at home!"  
He looked at her, quite bewildered. "Yes...thank you very much. Well, so where is the famed luxury buffet?" And with that words he quickly inched away from her to take a look at the food platters.  
Ollie grimaced at her. "Ew, Terri! 'Make yourself at home!'," he imitated her tone of voice here, "could you please make your favour-currying a little bit less obvious? Or else I might need to puke, I think."  
"Well, please leave the room if you feel sick. Otherwise, kindly fuck off, alright?" Ollie just sighed and headed over to Phil, who had meanwhile tried a sip of punch. "That punch is tasting weird, I think. My mother's punch is a lot better."  
"Do you mean the non-alcoholic stuff for children? I guess you would."  
"I don't, you big stupid..."  
"Yeah? What?"  
"...fucking elk?"  
"Wow. Even your swearing is on nursery school level, Phil."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Already done with the next chapter, so here it is. The gift exchange is probably my favourite part of the story because it was so much fun to write. Please don't think about the number of presents and who brought which gift too hard though, it really doesn't add up at all. xD

The gift exchange was probably the highlight of every Christmas party. Well, besides the food and booze, obviously!

Ollie pulled the ugliest Christmas sweater ever from his package and grimaced. "Hurry up, put that on!", hollered Phil. "I would love to, Phil...but Christmas is the time where we should think of the poorest and most disadvantaged among us. So...I'll just gift it to you. Here, no need to thank me!" And with that, Ollie took aim and threw the sweater into Phil's direction, who promptly got tangled up into it. "Aaghh!"  
"Have fun fighting against your new nemesis then, oh great king of the idiot elves!"  
When Phil finally got rid of it after an embarrassing amount of time, he threw the sweater right back at Ollie.  
Glenn butted in: "Come on Ollie, don't be such a wet blanket!"  
"Well, fine, after all nothing can mar true beauty..." Ollie removed his jacket and pulled the sweater over his shirt.  
Phil guffawed. "You look like a massive tit, you know."  
"Thanks, you too. But there's a big difference between us: for you that's the standard."

Glenn at the same time was working on removing layer after layer of packaging from a fairly big gift box. "What is that supposed to be?" After ripping off a sheer mountain of wrapping paper he still didn't get to the actual present. "Ollie, this is yours, isn't it? That's just exactly your idea of fun, you twit..."  
Ollie snickered. "No, that's totally not my present. But I'm so glad that you got it, Glenn!"  
Glenn sighed and continue to remove layers of papers. In the end, only a tiny little box remained. "Now, is there at least something good inside...? What's that...a gift voucher for a women's hairdresser? Oh, now that's awesome, Ollie! What am I supposed to do with that?"  
"Well...getting your hair done? Though you might need to put a wig on first..." Ollie couldn't keep himself from laughing while he tried to keep a serious face.  
"Gee, thanks, why don't you use that voucher yourself then, you giggling little girlie? Get yourself a perm, or some blonde highlights!"  
Ollie was still shaking with laughter. "Oh no, thanks, I don't want to risk you confusing me with some hot secretary and trying to touch me inappropriately!"  
"Don't worry, dearest Olivia - I'm sure you look really sexy in a skirt suit. But you're not my idea of a hot secretary, no matter the hairstyle. Honestly though, you couldn't have thought of a more fucking stupid gift, could you?"  
"Well, I thought that either a guy would get it, which I expected to be a bloody good laugh - and it was! - or a woman would and she would've probably liked it. That was actually really thoughtful of me, don't you agree?" Ollie was looking really pleased with himself.  
"Thoughtful, my ass..."

Nicola unwrapped a squarish package, which turned out to be a book. "Oh...'Time At The Top' by Cliff Lawton? My pre-predecessor's autobiography...really. Who thought that would make a nice present?"  
Terri raised a hand. "Oh, that's my package. He sent quite a few copies of his book to our department last week and I didn't know what to do with them...and then I thought of our gift exchange."  
Nicola looked pretty disappointed. "What a bloody great idea, Terri! I didn't know this was supposed to be a crappy secret santa..."  
"Oh, it's actually not that crappy, it's a signed copy, you know! Just sell it on Ebay or something."  
"Yeah...I assume there is high demand for signed copies of a former Secretary of State's biography! Anyway, what's in your package?"  
Terri's gift box was revealed to contain a mug with the inscription 'World's Okayest Employee', which elicited a laugh from Nicola. "I don't think I will use that..."  
Ollie, who had witnessed their exchange chimed in: "But Terri, for you that's actually a compliment."  
"Piss off, Ollie...is this yours or what? That's your kind of humour..."  
He grinned. "I love how everyone seems bent on accusing me for every single shitty gift. But no, Glenn was the lucky one who recieved my present."

Even Malcolm got a present...or more like, he had just snatched a package from the pile of various gifts. "What's this? Did someone accidentally buy a sex toy for a gift?"  
But no, it was actually a something else. "That's a stress reliever, I bought that," Nicola told him. "You're just the right person to get this, Malcolm. Maybe you'll be less insufferable if you use it."  
"Yeah, probably...if I use it to throw it after some annoying fucker, that is."  
Of course Ollie couldn't help commenting: "Malcolm...you would have preferred a sex toy, just admit it!"  
"What did I just say, twatweazel? Shall I use your head for target practice?"  
"No thanks, I don't wanna be struck down by a butt plug or whatever that is."  
"Then just fuck off, alright? Though I have to admit, that would make a nice epitaph for you: 'His end was just like his life - fucking stupid'!"  
"And I told you, it's a stress reliever, not a butt plug or whatever kind of toy!" Nicola interjected angrily.

Meanwhile Robyn squealed while unpacking her present. "Everyone...I got the grand prize!"  
"Why, what's inside?" Glenn leaned over to her and tried to take a look at the contents of her gift.  
She held up a box. "Look, it's an iPhone! I can't believe I got that lucky, really...!"  
Nicola couldn't believe it. "What? Who the fuck makes such an expensive present at a gift exchange at work? I thought we were talking about like 30 quid at most."  
"Maybe it's broken? Hurry up Robyn, open the box!"  
She did just that and her face dropped when the box of course didn't contain a phone, but a big Christmas cracker instead.  
"What's this...oh, of course, it was to good to be true! ... Ollie! You did this, right?"  
"Nooo!" He laughed. "I told you already, Glenn was the lucky dog! Is this the latest party hit: 'The Blame Game, Oliver Reeder edition'? Not my favourite game, I gotta say!"  
Nicola looked at him doubtfully. "The number of gifts doesn't really add up anyway, doesn't it? There were far too many packages to begin with..."  
Terri agreed with her. "Ollie could have easily slipped in some more gifts when he was carrying the pile into the meeting room! Admit it, you fucking funny barrel of laughs!"  
Ollie smirked. "No shit, Sherlock Murray and Dr Coverley! But why would I have done this? Where's my motive for this horrible, inhumane crime you're accusing me of?"  
Nicola and Terri looked at each other knowingly.  
"He so did it, huh?  
"Oh yes, he did. Guilty as charged. And the motive is just the fact that you're a twat, just like usual."

Some time later everyone was still in high spirits, only the level of the punch bowl was already significantly lower - even though many guest complained about the weird taste.  
Ollie and Glenn were standing around in a corner of the room, near just that certain punch bowl. Obviously Ollie had picked that place on purpose.  
"Come on Glenn, here's another glass of punch!"  
"I...really shouldn't though!"  
"You don't want to tell me that you can't hold your liquor, or do you?"  
"N-no, but you know, too much alcohol isn't healthy after all."  
Phil had dropped out of their inofficial little drinking game earlier, much to Ollie's amusement. However, he has to admit that he was beginning to feel a bit drunk himself. Or, not just a bit, actually. But there was still a bit of fun to be had, he assumed.  
"Hey Glenn, let me tell you something. You always wanted to impress Nicola, didn't you?"  
"I did?"  
"Yes! Remember when you let her take your special chair on her first day here? Don't think I didn't notice your true intentions..." He lowered his voice conspirationally. "And you know, parties like this are the perfect place to confess your true feelings. Just trust me on this!"  
"Are you...sure?"  
"Totally! Don't you know that from the movies and stuff? Office parties are just the right place for confessions. There are like, no repercussions!" Ollie noticed that pronouncing that last word felt quite difficult. Weird, really.  
Glenn looked at him doubtfully, but in that moment it actually seemed to him like Ollie was right for once. He steeled himself and went over to where Nicola was standing and just pondering about what to pick next from the buffet.  
"Nicola, let me tell you something..."  
"Huh, what...Glenn?"  
"You...you're the best boss I've ever had, you know. Well, there was Hugh...he was my friend - and he still is - but there's a huge downside about him and that's the fact that he wasn't a woman. You know that...!"  
"Well yeah, I know that, but what does it mean?"  
"I-i just wanted to get to that...Hugh wasn't a woman, even if he was my mate, but you are one and that's why I love you a lot more than him."  
"You do...what?"  
"I...like you a lot. No, I liked Hugh a lot. I think I meant, I love you...!"  
Nicola just stared at Glenn in utter disbelief, while Ollie who had watched their conversation from the sidelines was doubling over with laughter.  
"Ollie! Do you think this is funny?"  
He just laughed harder as an answer and Nicola turned back to Glenn. "And you...how much did you have to drink? Did Ollie put you up to this?"  
"No...well, yes, he did talk to me about it, but I'm honest here...and I didn't even drink that much, really. We...why don't we, uh, continue celebrating later at your home...or mine...?"  
"No, really, we won't! I'm really sorry, but I think you're not quite in full possession of your faculties right now, Glenn. And we don't want to ruin our professional relationship. Please leave it, alright?"  
"But...Nicola...!"  
"No! That's my last word on this matter! And now on to you, Ollie," she looked at him sternly, "what were you thinking when you egged Glenn on to do this? Not much, I assume?" Ollie was still chuckling heavily and so she gave him a slap on the head.  
"Ow! What was that for? Hey, I just thought it would be funny...which it was....hahaha!"  
Nicola sighed. "You had a few drinks too many too, huh? Well, I should have known that you're just the type to be a giggly drunk..." And like to prove her right Ollie just giggled in return.  
"Oh man, you really are a big child sometimes..."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fourth and final chapter and with that I'm done with my first multi-chapter story, whew. (Which is also my longest story at the moment because it got kinda out of hand...I thought about writing maybe 2000 words at most?)  
> Well, it was a lot of fun to write and even if the last chapter isn't that eventful anymore, I could at least fit in some headcanon of mine (I'm obviously talking about Ollie's phone call here, haha) :D

Well, the party was far from over (at some point they even started singing Christmas carols, which allowed some of the guests to uncover their hidden musical talents), but most of what happened afterwards would probably not stay in the collective memory for very long. Either because some of the party guests were too drunk at this point and wouldn't remember a single thing in the morning. Or - in case of the others who didn't drink as much - because there was this thing about certain events happening on alcohol-heavy parties being really, really embarrassing for many of the involved people. Better not to talk about this, or even think about it. What happens at the office Christmas party stays at the office Christmas party.  
Well, but one person would definitely remember a lot of details from the party. And that was Malcolm, obviously. It couldn't hurt to know some things to hold over someone's head, in case a situation where this was needed would ever arrive. And, knowing the people he was working with every day, he knew it most definitely would. Probably sooner than later.

"Listen, you buncha...twats, I'll be off now, ya know?" Ollie had definitely had a drink too many and was slurring his speech quite a bit.  
"Do you really still want to take a train today?" Nicola looked at him sceptically.  
"Right-o, gonna go up to Yorkshire, yeeeees..."  
"Didn't you say you're from Lincolnshire earlier...?"  
"Yeah, or that...one of these 's the wrong, uh, right one. Anyway...bye and merry Christmas, you......uh, fuckers!"  
And with that, Ollie finally stumbled out of the door. "He won't get to Lincolnshire or Yorkshire in that state, hahaha...", Phil mumbled as he awoke from his alcohol-induced slumber for a moment, right before his head slumped back onto the table.  
Nicola rose from her chair and had to hold onto the back of the chair for support. "I-I guess we should finish up, too. There's no more food and someone - I wonder who - emptied the entire punch bowl. And I really want to go to bed. Not with you, Glenn, before you even think of asking."  
And so everyone got up from the chairs - with more or less help from the others - and struggled into their coats.  
"By the way, who is gonna clean up this mess?" asked Nicola.  
Terri shrugged. "The guys from the catering firm are gonna fetch the platters and stuff, as for the rest...that will have to wait until we will come into work again after Christmas, I think."

Just when everyone had finished packing up and was heading to the lifts and stairs the doors of one of the lifts opened and revealed a bewildered Ollie, who had apparently sobered up quite a bit due to some kind of shock. "Guys, it's snowing!"  
"So what? Did you build a snowman and want to show it to us?" said Peter.  
"No! I mean...it's like a snowstorm! I looked up the weather reports on my phone and it says it hasn't snowed that hard in Greater London in years...or more like decades."  
Not entirely trusting Ollie's skills as a weather announcer - he was pretty drunk after all! - everyone made it down to the lobby.  
"Holy fuck..."  
"Well, there were already a few flakes falling in the afternoon, but that..."  
"Why did no one of you idiots think of checking the weather reports?"  
"Well, I think my train journey home just got cancelled, I don't think there'll be any trains going in or out of London. Not with the usual way the British are reacting to a few snowflakes. Mum's gonna be really delighted..."  
"It'll be hard enough to get out of Westminster, as it is. Did anyone call a cab?"  
"I wonder if there'll even be cabs in operation..."  
Everyone was talking across each other and there was quite a bit of confusion. However, to everybody's great relief it turned out that the streets weren't entirely blocked and they could call for some cabs. After some more confusion and many surprisingly emotional goodbyes almost all members of the group had gotten into the cars and finally driven off.

After the group has dispersed, Ollie looked up the train connections on his phone. Yeah, most of the trains really got cancelled, including the one he would have had taken. "Well shit. That means yet another Christmas in London. And this time I can't even really crash at Emma's flat. Well, we'll see about that... But first, best to get this over with and tell mum..."  
He called her while slowly walking a few steps along the street. The storm had mostly subsided, but there were still huge snowflakes falling and it didn't look like it would stop snowing anytime soon.  
"Hello mum, it's me. Listen, I'm really sorry, but I can't come home for Christmas after all. Maybe you already heard about it, London is pretty much snowed in."  
"Oh no, Oliver! I already saw something about the snow on the news, but I was looking forward to your visit so much! And your grandma wanted to talk to you about how proud she is of you working for the government...she said how she couldn't wait to see her favourite grandson again! Is there really no way for you to come...?"  
He grimaced. There were at least some good parts about not being able to visit home, he thought. His grandma still treated him like a little boy whenever he saw her and he wasn't obviously too keen on that.  
"I fear not, the trains aren't moving at all."  
"Oh, but your dad could come down to London and pick you up with the car!"  
"And then we will spend the entire Christmas stuck on the motorway. No, really, I'm sorry, mum. Maybe it'll work out next year, alright?"  
"But...what will you eat?"  
"I didn't die of starvation on the last few years' Christmas days either, so I think I'll manage to survive another year. Look, I really gotta go now. Bye...and tell everyone I wished them a merry Christmas!"  
"I will do that...but I'm still really sad. Merry Christmas to you too, my poor little Oliver!"  
"Mum, you know, I'm actually not that little anymore... Well, anyway, bye!"  
He put the phone back into his coat pocket and continued walking through the falling snow. He probably should have tried to get a cab like the others had, but the cold air helped clear his head after all the drinking. And anyway, it wasn't like anyone or anything was waiting for him at home, so he just took his time.  
As he walked on he heard music coming from somewhere...the song which was just playing was 'Driving Home For Christmas'. Oh the irony, Ollie thought.  
"I don't feel like singing, but this year's Christmas motto is definitely rather 'Not Driving Home For Christmas'," he said to himself with a laugh. Well, the holiday season would be over soon enough and then he would be back at work anyway.  
Then suddenly Ollie saw a cab stopping next to the sidewalk a few metres ahead of him. The door opened and he heard Jamie's voice.  
"Malc, there he is, the little fucker!"  
Then Malcolm stuck his head out of the cab and waved him nearer.  
"Hey bumboy, how much for a shag?"  
"Ha ha, very funny, Malcolm. What do you want?"  
"Well, me, Jamie and a few of the guys from No.10 are gonna have a real party, something for adults, actually. And because it's Christmas I'm feeling really generous today, so we're gonna invite you. Are you in? Mind you, that won't be such sad little meetup like the one we just came from!"  
"More drinking? I don't really know if I'm up to that..."  
"I told you, Malc, it's pointless, kiddo needs to go home to his nursery room...," Ollie heard Jamie say behind Malcolm in the cab. And of course he couldn't let that insult slide. Even if he knew it was probably really, really dumb.  
"Well, the night's still young, so why not. Let me in." He walked up to the cab.  
Later on, that Christmas would have a special place in Ollie's memories. Not because he could remember much of it - in fact, quite the opposite. But he didn't know about that quite yet. For now, he climbed into the cab and sat down next to Malcolm.  
"Well then, let's get the party night started! Merry Christmas, fuckers!"


End file.
